Children

I don't usually do blogs about my family. I do mention them from time to time in my blog but that is usually enough. Sadly this last year I have come to a couple of startling realizations 1. My kids are a$$ holes. 2. They both treat me like crap when it suits them.

I started to make some tough choices this past Mother's Day when my son made me feel like I was doing him a favor by picking out some gifts for myself at the local Grocery/Variety store so he could feel good about spending money on me for Mother's Day. I tried to avoid the whole situation by telling him all I wanted was a cup of coffee and his time (which he had told me to expect him at ten...turned out to be noon or later when he finally showed). He wouldn't think of it. He demanded I pick out gifts for myself. When we got back to the house I made the mistake of bringing up the Holidays Thanksgiving, Christmas and trying to make tentative plans with both my son and daughter and let them know I had limited cash this year, which I was hoping would help them out as well. When my daughter and son both in unison started spewing the reasons Christmas couldn't happen..."Oh I don't have any money, I'm trying to save money, I'm not doing Christmas, I have to move out, I'm not spending any money on anybody"... You get the idea. Suddenly a light came on...an epiphany if you will...I am over my kids. I am done trying to make them happy, I am done raising them. I told them both..."O.k. fine No Christmas". "You both can find your own things to do". "I have no problem with that, the BF and I always have plenty to do anyway". "Oh and since were not doing Christmas gifts I am also NOT cooking Christmas dinner" "I do have a few small stocking stuffers packed away for you guys for Christmas, so that will be it" "No worries you don't have to get us anything". It worked like magic both of them just quite griping. Of course the rest of the afternoon was crap...My son and daughter spent time staring at their cell phones or visiting with the neighbor. Oh Happy Mother's Day to me. A couple weeks after this incident I also canceled Thanksgiving...liberating I tell you.

I think I have seen my son once since then...but I am not sure. He called once asked where I was at. I told him grocery shopping and he informed me that I was too late to see him because he was now not in the neighborhood...I had missed his initial call by ten min. Sweet kid. I have had heated arguments with the daughter to get her off her ass and into a place of her own. Not the place I would have chosen, but she refused to listen to good advice (mine or anyone else)and got left with no options. She had to be out of my house October 1st (she was informed of this the first week of June). She did move out and things have gotten easier between us, but she still forgets occasionally to be nice and respectful and not such a bitch. I don't set out to engage either one of my kids unless needed ...it is emotionally unhealthy for me.

My birthday was October 4th and not so much as a card from either one. My daughter wished me a Happy Birthday, my son waited to call until late in the day when he figured I would be upset that he hadn't called earlier...I hadn't given him a thought actually the BF and I did all the things I wanted to do on my birthday and I spent the whole weekend enjoying myself. I am done giving a crap about what these kids think. When he did finally call it was to whine about his motocross injury and the time he has lost from work, or something...it is always about him. He never asks me what I am doing or if I am o.k. I kept the phone call short and acidic...I wasn't in the mood to listen to him.

I don't call my son and haven't since even before Mother's Day...there is no point to it. I was shocked last night when he called. I though maybe he called to wish me a Happy Halloween!...nope. I picked up the phone and the first words he said to me were "You forget you have a son?" I simply replied "You forget you have a mother?" Then his next comment was..."when was the last time you talked to your daughter"...See he didn't call because he wanted to catch up or find out how I am doing. He called to complain to me about his sister, who had been badgering him to take her out to lunch in Jan on her birthday, and that the only time he hears from family is when they want something from him (Moi? I don't think so sunshine). He called because he wanted me to pick a side ( I did not). Then of course he wanted to remind me that he wasn't doing Christmas this year because he was being the Grinch, and because he was too busy trying to save money to buy a house and go on vacation to Vegas...I am sure there are a few hundred dollars he needs to spend on dirt bike parts as well. I told him he didn't need to remind me of that. I also told him that his sister was his problem not mine and he would have to deal with her. I also told him he has always been a Grinch and his sister a bitch (nope not sorry if you are reading this). These two for the past 10 years have tried their damnedest to ruin every single holiday with their bickering, lack of spirit, lack of help and general non participation. This behavior starts every single year right around my birthday and goes all the way through Mother's day of the following year. Their behavior has kept me in a constant state of anxiety and upset to the point of tears every single year. Honestly I no longer give a $hit if I they spend time with me, or call. It is easier if they don't.

This was not some experiment in reverse psychology. I am not secretly wishing my children show up on Christmas with bags of gifts, and offer to do the cooking and dishes...No, please no, stay away...far away. This is me venting my spleen and letting other mothers know you don't have to take that crap from adult kids...cut them loose. Let it and them go. I am sorry your kids are horrible, so are mine...move on.

Dont' think for one second I won't be having a lovely Holiday season. The BF and I have lots of plans in the works. There will be yummy food, and lots of time spent with each other and our critters, movies, some light hiking if the weather permits. Trust me I am not going to be sitting in front of my Christmas tree crying my eyes out over the loss of my kid's Christmas spirit. They lost it all on their own...let them go find it for themselves.